


Bowser's Big Dad Energy

by CuteCuteJames



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Bowser's incredible dad-bod, Fun, Gen, Tennis, Vignette, silly fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26361349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuteCuteJames/pseuds/CuteCuteJames
Summary: A pee-pee dance, a bob-omb, and the Disapproval of women complicate a tennis tournament. It's tough being a single dad.
Kudos: 3





	Bowser's Big Dad Energy

Bowser waited impatiently, twiddling his tennis racket. The sun glinted off the metallic frame as he bounced. Despite his agitation, he was quite focused, ready to take the court and absolutely _destroy_ an esteemed colleague or two.

Which is why it was hard for Ludwig to get his attention.

"Dad. Dad. DAD. DAD! HEY, DAD!"

"WHAT?" Bowser whipped around. "We're up next. Can't you see I'm concentrating?"

"Dad, LOOK," Ludwig pointed to Lemmy, who was hopping on one foot, alternating, in what was unmistakably a pee-pee dance.

"Oh, no," he took two giant strides and was next to the littlest Koopaling. "Can you make it all the way to the bathroom?" Bower cast a panicked glance at the entrance to the building on what currently felt like the other side of the universe.

Lemmy shook his head. Bowser wiped a hand down his face and cast his eyes to the bleachers.

"Wendy--"

"Nope," his daughter haughtily interrupted, not looking up from her magazine. "I'm not going into the boys', and he is _not_ coming in with me."

Bowser growled, furious. "Morton!"

Morton, oblivious, air-drummed violently to the music pumping through his headphones.

"Dad, go long!"  
It was Roy to the rescue, already pedaling away furiously on a bike he stole from a local Toad on the way into the tournament.

Bowser grabbed Lemmy, wound up, and let him fly, soaring down the stadium in a perfect, tight spiral. Watching the boys fade into the distance, Bowser turned back around, claws on his hips, foot tapping, glaring at Miss Wendy O. Koopa.

Magazine open on her lap, she glared right back, popping her gum at him defiantly.

"Roy was faster, anyway," she shrugged, returning to the latest in fashion as of six months ago, according to the periodical she stole from the dentist waiting room yesterday.

Bowser snorted in exasperation and rolled his eyes.

"Hello," a new, hesitant voice took Bowser by surprise. Nervously squeezing around the frame of his very shiny tennis racket, Luigi stood nearby, addressing Bowser. "Is everything-a okay?"

==

Roy upped his speed, matching the trajectory, feet working furiously. As his brother descended, Roy put a foot up on the seat, jumping off gracefully to intercept. They tumbled to the ground before Roy got to his feet like a ninja and took off on foot, closing the last distance to the overhang, rushing inside, and chucking Lemmy through the doorway.

"You're on your own now!" Roy panted, leaning against the cool tile wall that stood between the two bathrooms.

With a deep breath, Roy regained his composure, sliding his sunglasses back into place, folding his arms, and adopting a cool, one-legged stance. He had just settled into this pose and was looking for something to stare at aloofly when Wario and Waluigi ambled out. 

"We just tripped on your brother," Waluigi side-eyed to Roy, annoyed.

"I do it all the time. Just kick him," Roy grinned.

"Kids," Wario growled. "Too much trouble."

"Is that what your mama told you?"

"WHAT?" Wario inhaled, drawing himself to full width, rounding on Roy. He took one step forward before he was caught by the pointy ear.

"Come on," Waluigi grumbled.

"But-- But!!" Wario whined, wincing, and retreating unwillingly.

Roy snickered to himself. Winding up Wario was a favorite pastime of his and Iggy's particularly.

Roy switched feet, regaining his Cool Dude position. He looked up just in time to notice someone was staring at him. 

Roy jumped at Rosalina's cool stare. She had just materialized outside the women's room. She gave a small exhalation of amusement and a faint smile and glided away. Ha! Roy thought to himself. She's impressed! 

He gave a small breath of relief. The truth was, Rosalina intimidated him.

Roy looked over toward the open entrance, relaxing. Breathing and enjoying the sunshine from indoors for a moment, he blinked when a shadow had caught his eye. Someone small was approaching.

Bowser Jr. toddled in, alone. Well, not precisely alone. He was carrying something. He ran up to Roy excitedly. 

"Look what Uncle Wario gave me!" Roy lifted his sunglasses unnecessarily as Bowser Jr. shoved his full hands in Roy's face. The harbinger of imminent destruction, A Bob-Omb stared back expressionlessly.

"YAAAA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN?" Roy screamed, hurling it into the women's room on reflex.

The explosion was heard and felt immediately, the surrounding area filling with smoke, wood fragments, and shortly thereafter, a small wave of water. Screams of fear turned into exclamations of disgust.

Sheepishly, Roy uncurled from his defensive position to face the inevitably unimpressed women. Junior tried to make a run for it, but was caught by Roy grabbing his bandana.

Wet, bruised, and thoroughly annoyed, Daisy, Pauline, and Toadette emerged and surrounded the boys, arms crossed. Daisy and Pauline pointed at the bathroom emphatically. Toadette scuttled over, opening a supply closet panel in the wall, and pointed to a mop and bucket inside.

"I'll get the bucket," Junior grumbled.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" Lemmy looked around cheerfully, crumpling up a damp paper towel.

==

Bowser bounced the ball a couple times behind the serving line, but his focus wandered uncontrollably back toward the stands, eyes roving over faces. One, two, three, four, five... One-two-three-four-five. One... two... 

"Time out!" Bowser roared, tossing aside his racket.

Mario blinked. "I don't think you can-a call time-out in-a tennis..."

"I don't know where my kids are," Bowser retorted with finality over his shoulder.

"Oh, no." said Luigi sympathetically, heading for the sideline to drink some water. Mario followed. Across the court, Shy Guy busted out a sick air guitar solo on his racket.

"Princess, where the hell are my brats?" Bowser stalked over, addressing Peach, who was surrounded by Daisy, Pauline, Rosalina, and Toadette.

Peach looked up calmly. "Oh, are they missing?"

"We know where they are," Daisy interjected, grinning.

"They're cleaning up the awful mess they made," Toadette declared, arms crossed in satisfaction.

"Oh for crying-- They can't go to the bathroom without making a giant mess?" He stomped off without waiting for an answer.

==

"Boys?" Bowser called, poking his head into the men's.

"In here!" Roy called from the other room.

Confused, Bowser leaned in. The place sparkled, sun shining through frosted windows, stall doors gleaming, floor so clean you could serve a banquet on it. And it smelled phenomenal!

Junior and Roy poured the last of the contents of a bucket down a toilet and gave it a flush. A wet mop stood against the row of sinks, the closest one of which hosted Lemmy, who was playing with a bar of soap while the water ran over his little body.

Bowser entered fully, impressed. "All right, you troublemakers. You're holding up my match."

"Sorry, Dad," Junior said from behind his fanged bandana.

Bowser ruffled Junior's hair as he passed by with the bucket, Roy just behind with the mop. Bowser turned off Lemmy's bath and picked him up by his tiny head. "Come on, honey."

Lemmy giggled, still clutching his fabulous-smelling soap. 

"Boys, if anyone tells you that you don't do a good job, just eat 'em."

==

"Come on, we don't have all day!" Waluigi heckled as Bowser and the kids made their way back.

"Those kids are nothing but trouble," tisked Wario.

Bowser responded with a powerful firebreath that sent them running and screaming.

"Yeah!" Yelled Roy after them. "Your MOM!"

"That's enough," said Bowser, retrieving his racket from Iggy's mouth. "Now go play, I have some plumbers to destroy."

"Good luck, Dad!" called Larry, who had been playing catch with Shy Guy.

"Oh, good. Everybody back?" asked Luigi, tossing aside a towel.

"Yeah, we're good," Bowser growled. "Now, who's ready to _eat my balls?!_ " He held the tennis ball up dramatically as the entire stadium fell silent, staring.

"All right, who's ready to forget I said that?" Bowser did not wait for an answer as he served the ball into next week, flying past an eager Mario. Next to him, Luigi was still emotionally recovering. Shy Guy did a little celebratory wiggle. Wario and Waluigi leaned against each other, weak with laughter.

On the grass, Morton watched Lemmy and Junior color with crayons in a book that was not actually a coloring book, Roy and Ludwig listened to Morton's iPod, Wendy chatted with Daisy and Pauline as they soaked up the sun, and Iggy gnawed on Lemmy's new fabulous-smelling soap.

**Author's Note:**

> And no one suspected that the text that threw Bowser out of bed that night that read "Well, did they eat your balls?" would be signed with these three emojis: a heart, a crown, and a peach.


End file.
